I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
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I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
being pregnant is like rehab
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
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Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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