Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
