My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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