do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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