Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The struggles of a small town man whore
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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