I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
