I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
