so that wasnt chicken after all
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
