i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
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