You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
