1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Randomize
