My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
