I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
fuck your aforementioned shoe
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
