The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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