I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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