I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
