Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
