Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
