i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
