Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
