Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
