Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
