evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
