I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
