I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
