all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
