i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
