You don't have asthma, your pregnant
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize