A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
