Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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