dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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