I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
