no, he came in my armpit
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
