this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
that may or may not have been my penis.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
