My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
