I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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