please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
