in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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