I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
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