New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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