Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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