why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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