I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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