I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
