The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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