i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
