Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Randomize
