We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
