I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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