All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
