I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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