Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
