just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I seem to have left my pride at pride
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Bang-toberfest begins!!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
