Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
