Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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