I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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