Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The air was thick with penises
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
