I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
