Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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