in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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