Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
