...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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