So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
