Me. At least after what I've been through.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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