I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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