I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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