I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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