franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
