Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
