Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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