Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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