do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
