xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
