Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
