I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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