youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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