The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
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