So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
