last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
