I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
