Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
no more duck duck goose at the bar
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
