Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
